Not a Better Life
by Teary-Eyed Angel
Summary: She died. They're devastated. They talk and realize that they can have a life without her. Not a better life, but a life nonetheless. Oneshot.


A/n: I wrote out the dialogue first, and this is what came when I put the rest in. Please review! Constructive criticism is great, but no flames. Please.

Disclaimer: I know there aren't any names mentioned, but I don't own anything implied either.

Summary: She died. They're devastated. They talk and realize that they can have a life without her. Not a better life, but a life nonetheless.

He stood in the cemetery, staring at the headstone his love lay below. The wind stung his face as the tears streamed down his cheeks. He felt the presence of someone behind him, but he didn't turn around.

"I didn't know. I swear to God, I didn't know." His voice was husky. The tears were evident in his words.

"Yes, you did." She came to stand beside him.

"How could I have known?" His voice portrayed his genuine curiosity; his complete and utter awe.

She laughed. It was a bitter laugh. "You love her; more than anyone knows or even understands." 'You always will.'

A sob escaped his lips, but she didn't look at him. "I knew. The moment…even before…I knew." There was a question in his voice. Yes, he knew. But how?

"You weren't there." Her anger propelled itself from her lips. "And the only thing she wanted was to see you."

He stared at the mound of stone engraved with the outline of an angel, willing it to all be just some nightmare. He had lived through it twice, but…why now? "How do you know?"

Her answer was simple; her voice that of a woman who knew far too much for her age. "I know."

"I should have been there." He reached out to touch the stone. With his index finger, he traced the letters of her name.

She nodded unnecessarily-he couldn't see her. "Yes."

"I left and she…" He choked on the word. "…died."

She felt tears swell in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall. "Yes." Her voice cracked on the single word.

"I could have saved her." It came out as a whisper.

"Could you?" Her tone was not condescending, nor was it angry. It was simply curious.

His tone was determined. "Yes." If he had been there…He could have saved her. He could have saved himself from this…heart wrenching pain.

"Then maybe there was a reason you weren't there." Her voice was empty. She had no more emotion left. She had seen too much….lost too much.

"No." The almost inaudible answer hung in the cool night air.

"She wanted to die." Her state of calm shocked him.

Without missing a beat, he turned from the words that haunted his nightmares and yelled, "No!"

She turned to face him and placed a comforting hand on his arm. "She's at peace."

He ripped his arm out of her grasp as he screamed, "I'm not!" He gestured wildly with his arms as he paced and raged on, spilling his heart to the world. He told her things he had never really admitted to himself, let alone told another. "I can't live without her. She was my reason for…everything." He said the words as if just realizing them. "Without her, I have no reason to fight, to protect, to live. My soul gives me the ability to know emotion, she makes me feel it."

Tears pricked her eyes, but her anger won out. "You hurt her! Every time you got the chance!"

He flinched, but defended himself nonetheless. "Every tear that fell from her eyes killed me inside."

Her argument was weaker this time, but she refused to give up the fight. "You broke her heart time and time again."

He knew that. He felt every shattered piece in his soul. But he would not let her condemn him. Only his love could damn him to the depths of hell. "I broke my own every time."

The silence was deafening in the early morning hours.

She sighed, breaking the seemingly never-ending silence. "You have to grieve. But you have to keep fighting." She knew she was asking too much from him. "She wanted you to fight, to get your reward-your redemption." She paused in her speech, knowing what she was going to say would shake him. "She always wanted you to forgive yourself. And you won't, until you're forgiven by them."

"Them?" he asked, confusion clearing through the grief in his mind.

"His victims," she clarified.

"My victims," he corrected.

Her face became more determined, her eyes showed some sort of emotion in them. "I stand by my statement."

Changing subjects quickly, he asked the question that had plagued his mind for years. "Did…" His voice cracked. "…did she ever forgive me?"

"For what?" she asked, though she knew the answer all too well.

Guilt coated his voice. "Everything I did after…"

"He did," she corrected, her tone that of an admonishing parent.

He ignored her. "Everything. Even…the mark…"

"Forgive you?" Her volume reached that of a shriek. "That was the one thing she had left of you. She cherished that mark. No one was ever allowed to touch it. None of her boyfriends…and her little lap dog knew better."

He touched the stone mound hesitantly. His love poured out into his words. "I never figured out how she could overlook my past and love me so….damn much."

She had no response. Truth be told, she couldn't either. She never knew the extent of her friend's pain. She had never really let her guard down around the man standing next to her. She trusted him with her life. But she never forgot what he once was and could be again.

"You should go. It'll be dawn soon."

He grinned sadly. "I know."

"Don't be stupid," she admonished.

He looked up at the stars. "Why don't you watch the dawn with me?" He put his hands in his pockets. "I haven't seen it in so long," he whispered.

She grabbed his arm, spinning him around forcefully. "Don't do it. Not here. Not by her grave. I can't stop you, but I'm begging you."

His voice was calm as if telling a story. "I never savored it back home. Never really cared." He chuckled. "It's funny how much you miss things when you no longer have the privilege of having them."

Her voice was filled with panic, her volume rising with every word. "I won't watch another friend die!"

He looked at her now. "You consider me a friend?"

Her answer was short. "Yes."

He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Thank you."

Feeling uncomfortable with the compliment, she got back to the crisis at hand. "I can't let you do this."

He sighed. "Just watch the sunrise with me."

"Please." She was begging him.

He smiled as the sun brightened over the horizon, desperately trying to awaken the townsfolk. "Ah, here it comes."

"Please!" She was on the verge of tears now.

Holding out his arms, taking in the warmth he closed his eyes. "It's beautiful, isn't it?"

She gasped. And then she did let a tear slide down her cheek. "You're not burning."

He opened his eyes and dropped his arms to his sides. He shook his head. "No."

"You've found it." Her voice resembled that of a kid in a candy store. "Your redemption."

He nodded. "Yes." He should have been elated, but his tone betrayed his true feelings about the matter. It was empty. It meant nothing if he didn't have her to share it with.

She could read his mind, but she didn't have to to know what he was thinking. "You'll see her again one day." 'In heaven. She'll meet you at the gates. You just have to wait.'

"Will I?" he questioned.

She smiled. The curve of her lips resembled that of a child who knew something a parent did not. "You have to."

He furrowed his brow. "And why is that?"

She looked up at the now almost completely arisen sun. "Because distance and time don't matter to soulmates."

He smiled the first real smile in…so long. "Neither death…" He smoothed the stone lettering with his finger tips. "…nor…life can separate them forever."

The sun was fully awake now, as well as half the town. "Shall we go?" They hadn't seen each other in years. They both had questions that needed answers. They had much to talk about.

He nodded his head in agreement. "Yes." He pointed toward the one thing he never thought he'd have to look at-her grave. "Could you give me a minute?"

She nodded. "Of course." It was his chance to tell her…everything he never got the chance to. She turned form him…them and walked slowly to the red Corsica just outside the cemetery.

He knelt down to feel the dewy grass. He spoke to her as if she were standing before him-alive. "I love you. I never stopped, and I never will. I'm going to live…" He sighed. "…like you wanted me to. I'm going to live because of you." He glanced into the sky as if he sensed her looking down on him. "I'll never find anyone to love. I won't try," he reassured her. "You're it, and I'll wait until my heart stops beating to see you. And I will see you," he promised. "Will you wait for me? I promise you, this time, I will be there. I can't stay away." Standing up, he continued. "We'll be together, my love. No one can keep us apart." He kissed his finger tips and placed them gently against the letters of her name.

Wiping away his tears, he slowly made his way to the street outside-to his second chance at life.

* * *

Out on the street, she wiped her own tears from her eyes. "They'll be together one day. There was never any doubt." She opened the door to her car and waited.

They would begin a new friendship-a new life. It would never be as good as it was before. But she would want them to live-as she had. They wouldn't simply wait for death to come, though at times, they may long for it. They would never be truly happy in this life, but content was good enough…for now.


End file.
